MY VISIT TO THE UROLOGIST

Okay, so this week I had a kidney infection. I had to go to the urologist because this was one of the worst ones that i've had and my regular dr. office pissed me off and didn't give me a strong enough antibiotic. While i was sitting in the waiting room I had a revelation: this is the SAME Dr. my dh went to about his infertility.. I finally get to meet this man.. and boy, do I have questions for him...
So I finally get back to see the Dr. and he turns out to be the one of the most intellligent, yet LOONEY, Dr.'s I have ever met. I agreed 100% with everything he told me and I think he is a reputable Dr. who obviously knows what he is talking about and truly cares about making his patients feel good. With that said, I will lay the dialect out here:
The Dr. walks in.
Dr: how's Mr. (our last name)?
Me: he's good
Dr: ya pregnant yet?
Me: didn't think I could be.. can I get that way?
Dr: well, unfortunately, I don't think that is gonna happen for you guys naturally. So how is 'dh'?
Me: Oh, he's great.. he doesn't care that we can't have kids.. he doesn't want them anyway I have found out
Dr: he's 25 years old. Kids are not what 25 year old men want. he'll come around. you guys have plenty of time. So how's he liking that testosterone I put him on?
Me: oh, he loves it.. but he's taking it for all the wrong reasons.. he wanted it so he could "blow up" muscle-wise. But he is so mean when he first shoots up.
Dr: So are y'all humping like rabbits now?
Me: (flabergasted) uh, no?
Dr: why not? you don't like sex.. you gotta give him some sex..
Me: I DO.. he gets it almost whenever he wants it, he just doesn't want it a lot like a lot of other guys do
Dr: Ah, give him time.. he will
Me: his sex drive is plenty for me.. I am not complaining
Dr. good

At this point in the conversation I am dumbfounded that the Dr. obviously knows of a procedure that can be done and I am dying to ask what it is, but then my body suddenly reminds me of the agonizing pain I am in from the kidney infection. I wince..

Dr: so what brings you here today?
Me: I had a kidney infection, and I have been taking an antibiotic and finished it but all of the symptoms are still there.. It hurts so bad..
Dr: how many UTI's have you had?
Me: around 6.. I've been getting them since I was 13
Dr. You wear anything for pant wetting?
Me: I don't wet my pants!
Dr: but, you marked on here you leak some when you sneeze..
Me: I meant, I have done that like maybe a few times since I had my baby!
Dr: (laughing) just kidding, thats perfectly normal... What kind of soap do you use?
Me: Dove.. unscented
Dr: this may be the problem for all of the recurrences.. Dove dries you out.. you need to be using Dial... Are you dry down there?
Me: yes, alot of time
Dr: do have problems getting wet during sex?
Me: no
Dr: I want to take a look.. (hands me the "big paper towel".. and mutters something I can't remember)

I proceed to start to drop my pants when the Dr. screams "NO! Don't get naked yet! (Dr. walks out, goes out in hallway and screams "Get me a nurse in here. This gals trying to get naked on me! (laughing)" In the meantime, I am mortified, but it really helped me forget about being nervous for the actual exam. Then the knock on the door from the Dr. and the nurse..

Dr: Coming in.
Me: ok
Dr: just lay back prop your legs up at the end of the table.. (pushing down on my legs) bend 'em all the way down.. I wanna see how good these thighs are (laughing)....... I know something else thats causing you to be dry. God put hair on you for a reason down here. Why are you shaving it off?
Me: I don't that often
Dr: promise me you won't do it anymore.. you are already gonna go through enough pain letting this grow back out
Me: ok?
Dr: Your test results say your kidney infection is gone, so I am gonna put you on a mild antibiotic for a while, you switch to dial soap, and quit shaving down there, and I think things are gonna get better.
Me: Are you sure? This really hurts.
Dr. Trust me. lets just try this
Me: ok
Dr: alright
Me: Oh wait.. I have one more question... What can be done for my husband as far as us getting pregnant? Because when he came home that day after getting his results, he made it sound like you said he could never have kids and that there was nothing that could be done about it.
Dr: I said you guys would never get pregnant naturally, and to be quite honest there is only one type of fertility treatment that is available for y'alls situation. That's ICSI. And what that is, is.... but you can't tell your husband they are going to stick a needle in his testicle because...
Me: I already told him. I have already been searching this on the internet and I know all about it. I already told him about the needle..
Dr: then he'll probably never go, it would be hard to make even me go do that, but it really won't hurt him.. the area will be numbed
Me: I know I told him already.. he just don't care about doing anything... he doesn't want kids.. I feel like I am in an unfair situation.. (My lip starts quivering).. he thinks that we'll waste a lot of money and have no money or baby in the end
Dr: who doesn't waste a lot of money.. I waste money on new cars all the time and I don't have nothing to show for them.. if you want a baby, it is deifinitely worth it. If its important to you, then you guys should go for it. He'll come around. You just have to approach him the right way. And you canot cry!! That scares us guys. You are crying right now and you cannot do that when you approach him on this. It will make him feel powerless and scared and he'll run..
Me: okay
Dr. feel better?
Me: Is it very likely that we will really be able to get pregnant?
Dr: I don't know but technology is very good these days so it is definitely possible, but a fertility specialist will have to give you the odds. Y'all just really need to go and see the specialist
Me: I know, will you tell my husband that when he comes back for his checkup in January?
Dr: I 'll do what I can.
Me: THANK YOU SO MUCH!

As soon as I leave, dh calls to see what the Dr. told me. Boy was he suprised to hear what all the Dr. and I discusssed. I told him this exact dialogue to which he gave a disgusted sigh, and I immediatley changed the subject. That was 2 days ago and it has not been brought up once, nor will it be unless I do it.

I am so lost at what to do now. I have so much anger coming back geared at my husband. Sometimes I wonder if I even want to have his baby or leave him altogether. We just don't have a relationship these days. All he cares about is work and T.V. That's it!!! I SWEAR!!!!! He pays me absolutely no attention, forgets everything I ask him to do,and all he wants to do is tell cop stories all the freaking time!! I am SOOOO sick of him. Is this normal to feel this way about your husband. Its almost like I want to give him an ultimatum: "This is important to me...VERY IMPORTANT!!!either see a specialist or we are getting a divorce" so that I could have a good reason to divorce him. I know that if it weren't for my daughter, I probably would have left by now. I could have a part time job aside from school and support myself but that won't be possible with a child. And she has bonded so much with him and all of his family... aargh... the list goes on and on!! I tell myself.."Just get, through school.. one more year.. then you can leave him" but I am so scared i will never have the sourage to leave. I need advice.. BAD!! Have any?? Please, feel free to say anything you want.. seriously!!! Am I being a baby or being selfish, or does he owe it to me to atleast make an attempt to conceive?

*Being a very soon to be teacher, I just wnated to say that I do KNOW that there are many grammatical errors in this entry. I typed this crap so fast and with my husband sitting not three feet away so I had to do it really fast!!! SORRY!!