How My Husband Feels



The hardest part of this whole infertility thing is that my husband no longer cares that we won't be able to have kids. He was upset for like maybe 24 hours and now he does not want me to even mention it. Everyone keeps telling me that "oh, he does care, its just hard for men to show their feelings" but I really don't think this is the case in our situation. He has never been big on wanting to have kids and he has always told me that if I never wanted to have anymore kids, then it would be fine with him. He has always said that he loves my daughter just like she is his, and she is enough for him. I have always told him, on the other hand, that I have always wanted around 3 kids, and I even told him after he proposed that he had to promise me that we could have at least one kid. He said one would be okay. Now let me stop right here and clarify something. I realize that this is sounding like maybe me and my husband don't need a baby b/c obviously my husband wouldn't want it. Before anyone says anything hurtful like that, let me just tell you that my husband is an excellant father to my daughter and if we were to ever have a kid, he would LOVE it. He's just a 25 year old guy right now and making babies just still isn't top on his priority list, I don't know if it ever will be, and he has even said that he won't ever have to have a baby to make him be hapy. He just simply says there are took many other things in life that make him happy already and he doesn't NEED anything else. ????? I don't understand!!!! About the third day after we found out he has a zero count, he told me that he will not go to see a specialist to see about any other procedures ( and there are some options for some men, sometimes sperm can be extracted form the testicles), he does not want to use donor sperm (and I can understand this), he will probably never want to adopt and if I can't handle any of that then I needed to leave him. He said that everytime I said anything on the issue it made his "blood boil" and if I was going to continue moping around and crying then he didn't want to stay married. He said that he was over it and that life goes on and if I could't move on and not keep bringing it up then I needed to leave him because I "was not going to make HIM miserable." So I then proceeded to say "okay, well I guess this means I just can't be with you then." We stayed up half the night discussing how we would divide everything up, how we were going to tell our families, and etc... He cried and I cried. Neither one of us wanted it but we both wanted to be happy. He said he'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, although the urologist warned him it might, but his main concern was for my happiness. He said "I can be happy without a kid, you can't." How much simpler can the reason we should split ways be laid out for us. I agreed. He went to bed and about an hour later I came to bed crying, wrapped my arms around him and told him I was sorry for ever saying that I wanted out and could he please forgive me. He told me he was glad that I changed my mind and we could work through this. He told me we would talk things over the next day and get everything resolved. The next day, I agreed to do something that I now deeply regret.

* My husband is begging me to get off the computer now so he can use it so I will have to finish this tomorrow!!! Gah!!! Men!!!